Paper in Fire: A Chain Letter

I didn't know any of you

when I broke my mind

on a jagged chunk of sky.

I knew some of you

when I walked  7 miles for fun

to get 2 magazines that I haven't even read yet.

The wind is blowing.now.

I've always found the wind annoying.

Unwashed hair gets in my eyes.

Unread pages get turned.

I know which way to look when I lie

You will never know, when I am.

(But I will never lie to you.)

I can't talk to anyone about my dream, the depth of my dream.

They wouldn't understand.

Neither do I,

But you do, you do.

Finding lost pieces of me is what.you.do.

Do you ever read license plates?

Not like ones that say SHINE.

(I saw that one the day we met.)

But ones that say D07-U12 - like that.

They are all just wannabees. again.

What's the buzz?

I've seen Jesus Christ Superstar twice.

Both on broadway.

Different casts, years apart,

She said.

She said,

The pain is unbearable.

Unmitigated circumstances

become stains

on the wallpaper of my soul.

My new curious circus friend just left

stories of lions and tigers

no bears.

He showed me photos

playful & peaceful

shots

Rang out in the empty night

in the hood

I am alone again.still.wanting.more.

I met you on a roof top.

I realized you were unaware

of my presence

of my adoration

of my dissappointment

of my predicamant.

Two worlds collided

for an instant

that morphed

into a lifetime.

His pet peeves are open gates

and open invitations.

This party's over.

The cross that I bear came with

a lifetime guarantee.

HA!

A lifetime of love

magick

words

wounds

flagged

me on my golf cart tonight.

You on your way to the big house.

Can I have the pleasure?

I have taken all the pain.

she said.

She said

Why is it always me on the outside

looking in

at all the people

partnered people

poking holes in my dreams.

They were here again

promising me water

offering me something

that never came.

Not realizing that this is not

my first rodeo

or even my second.

I have been here many times before

in many bodies

I am remembering now

I am always replying the same way

"no thanks."

"The rose stink echoes even here."

HA!

My new favorite line

then I wrote

"There is SO much more."

Victorian flower language, knowing the code.

A white rose means silence.

Carnellia's command unmatched excellence.

Tell me that life has no absolute end.

How many survivors are left?

Many of you have not even gotten this far.

So when you walk out her door

Know that...

I was there too,

I shall have to be here four times longer

Than I have been here, now.

Seems like a lifetime

Only seconds ago.

Maybe someday you can explain to me

Exactly how you found me

And I wil tell you

That you..

Were just another

Experiment,

That this time

And only this time

Had positive results.

There have been so many

Some alive come alive

Some virtual come alive

Some alien come alive

Some already dead before they knew it.

Maybe someday you will explain to me

Exactly how you came to find me

Was the collider so strong

That it spun me into your world

Your world of broken dreams

of yellow metaphors

and scores of women

all pretending to be me.

Welcome to my world.

Lie down.

Die.

I said, "I can take 'em down."

He said, "That's why you are here."

The graffiti on the bathroom wall

stated

in big bold letters,

LOVE IS SUICIDE.


I wondered how they knew.


© Donna Surles 04.30.10